Since the end of last year, I have been going through a sort of inner spiritual development. I began to reflect upon and reassess my priorities in life with matters regarding career, finances, and relationships. One thing that has continually been in the back of my mind for a long time now was the amount of stuff that I have accumulated over the years. Material possessions such as excessive clothing, shoes, toys (including one too many stuffed animals), decorative pieces, and massive amounts of decade-old school work. In the past, I have attempted to remove them to the best of my abilities; yet, despite my efforts, they continue to build up in large quantities. I also felt incapable of parting with many items because there was either some emotional attachment to them or I thought perhaps they would potentially be useful one day. Well, let me tell you, those stuff remained pretty much useless to this day. However, since late last year, I felt as though my life had been imploding from within and I suddenly had a HUGE desire to purge my entire room, starting with the closet and drawers full of old clothing.
I wonder where did this sudden urge to purge my room came from? I think it must have started last November when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer. It was a tough time for my family and I; we were not prepared for it all. In fact, we were so scared, we did not know how the future will look. As I watched my mother and family go through all the pain, the many doctor visits, the expensive lab tests, the fear, and the sadness, I thought to myself, how did it come to this?
During that time, I also started to neglect myself, including the cleanliness of my living space. I allowed things to accumulate even more. I was stress shopping. I fell into the trap of online shopping to escape the daily worries and to fill the gaping hole inside me. In the past, I have gone through similar low periods before and despite knowing it would not make me any happier in the long run, I continue to fall back into the trap! It was a mess; I was a mess. However, as time passed and with the increasing feelings of impending doom circulating within my family, I decided for myself that enough was enough. I went rampant and began tossing out every single item of old clothing, bags, and shoes that I no longer liked or even wore. It became almost an obsession. I felt that by clearing my space, I hoped to clear my mind and messy life as well. In the end, I cleaned out half of my closet space and drawers.
I'm sure you've heard this many times before. Materialistic pursuits will not make you happy in the long run, but do any of us actually come to the point of paying attention to this statement and questioning the world we live in? Why do we even need so many clothing and items? Why do we keep buying more? Why do we keep buying bigger? Why do we keep searching for happiness through the type and amount of material items that we obtain and hold onto? One thing I have witnessed time and time again throughout my life is the accumulation of material possessions at the expense of our own health. I have seen others work themselves to the point of illness and stress to continue to make money largely to maintain an unsustainable lifestyle that most likely will not lead to happiness in the end.
In the end, I believe that there is a certain truth: when we are on our deathbeds, the last thing we will think about will most likely not be the nice clothing, expensive handbags, brand cars, or large yet empty houses. Rather, it will be how we have lived our life. Did we strive to achieve what we always hoped to achieve? Do we have regrets? Did we build enough meaningful relationships that lasted a lifetime? Did we let go and apologize when needed? Did we loved enough?
I think I have finally come to the point in my life where I can finally say, I have enough.
I have enough...
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